Who Will Stand With Me Now?
by Hypnotoad76
Summary: The last person from Annie's rehab group has died. Annie and Jeff go to the funeral, where she reflects on how each person from her group helped her get clean.
1. Chapter 1

Jeff groaned in frustration as he pulled his Lexes into the apartment parking lot and walked into Annie, Abed and Troy's building. He didn't care if the guys were going to be away shooting scenes for Abed's movie, they should have been the ones to bring Annie her homework if she was sick. But somehow Abed had guilted him into bringing it to her himself. "Annie said she wasn't feeling well this morning and isn't coming to school," Abed had said. "Giving her her homework and study notes should help her feel better."

Only Annie would feel better at being able to do school work, Jeff thought with slightly amused amazement. He walked up to apartment 303 and loudly knocked on the door. "Annie, its Jeff." He waited a few moments before it opened and he saw her standing there on the other side, not looking like he expected her to. He figured she'd be in sweats or pajamas and a bathrobe. Instead she was dressed in a normal Annie outfit, and her eyes looked red and puffy.

"What do you want Jeff," she said in a dull, slightly short tone.

Jeff started commenting on her appearance, but decided it was better not to say anything. "Abed asked me to bring you your homework since you weren't feeling well."

"Thank you."

Jeff looked at her as she dully took the folder from his hand. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine Jeff."

Jeff could tell she seemed far from fine, but wasn't sure if he should press the issue. "Ok then, bye."

He just barely was able to turn around before he heard her burst into tears. As he turned back he irrationally hoped they were just Disney eyes crocodile tears, and that she was trying to manipulate him into doing something for her. But he knew her well enough to where he could see through that, and just by looking at her he could tell this wasn't a manipulation ploy. Something genuine was deeply upsetting her. "Annie, what's wrong?"

"It's, it's nothing. It's just…" She chocked back a sob before she walked away and went into her bedroom. Though he hadn't been invited in Jeff walked into the apartment and closed the door as she walked back out and went over to him with a newspaper in her hand. As Jeff took it from her he saw that it was the obituaries page. With a sinking feeling he started to read the one that Annie had circled.

_**Franklin Richard Romenoff. **_

_Franklin Richard Romenoff passed away Monday morning due to heart failure. He was 41. Franklin was born on February 11, 1971 and resided in Colorado for his entire life, where he attended Riverside High and attended City College on an academic scholarship before becoming a social studies teacher at Riverside high two years after completing his undergraduate studies. He is survived by his mother, Maria Romenoff, his wife, Jessica Romenoff, and his 10 year old son Jefferson Romenoff. Services will be held at Roaming Hills cemetery on Thursday, 10am. _

Jeff stopped reading as he looked up at Annie's tear stained face. "Was he one of your teachers in high school?"

Annie shook her head as she wiped her face. "He was in my group in rehab."

"Oh Annie." Jeff put the paper down as he hugged her. "I'm sorry. That must be rough for you."

"It's sad. But that's not the worst part." She pulled back from Jeff, her face crumbling in sadness. "Now, I'm the only one left."

"What do you mean?"

"When I was in rehab I was in a group with seven other people. We all lived in the same set of rooms, and ate together, and went to group together and talked about what drove us to start using drugs and what we could do to get clean. We all looked out for each other and did whatever we could to help each of us beat our addictions. But since rehab ended each of them have died in one way or another. And now with Frank gone there's just…" She didn't finish her sentence as she buried her face against Jeff's chest and started sobbing. "All of us tried so hard to get a fresh start and now I'm the only one left. It's not fair."

Jeff held her as she sobbed, barely taking that much notice that his shirt was getting tears and snot all over it. He waited until her cries seemed to subside before gently pulling her off him. "Annie, I'm really sorry about all this. It must be really hard for you."

She nodded her head as she sighed sadly. "Jeff, I know this is going to sound really selfish. But the worst part of it is I keep thinking this is where I'm heading."

"What do you mean?"

"Jeff, everyone from my group is now dead because of drugs. Some from ODing, others from something related to their drug use. I mean, Frank said he had a heart defect and that using crack for years had done irreversible damage to his heart, and he ended up dying from heart failure. I'm just afraid…I keep thinking this is an omen. That it's inevitable that I'll fall back to taking pills or something else and it will kill me."

"Annie, no." Jeff gently put his hands on her cheeks and waited until she looked into his eyes before speaking. "I don't believe that for a second. Annie, you're one of the bravest and strongest people I know. Far more than any of us give you credit for. You're worked too hard to throw it all away."

Jeff let go of her face as she sadly looked back at him, her eyes clouding over with a look of grim realization. "Jeff, you didn't know me before Greendale. I know everyone makes light about me taking Adderall. But believe me, I was a full on addict. And I've learned that there's never any definites when it comes to addiction. There's always the chance you can backslide, no matter how much progress you've made. And it's not like I haven't been tempted. Every time I pull an all nighter or am about to take a really hard test there's still a part of me that remembers how much easier it would be if I was taking Adderall. What if one day it just becomes too much and I break down and take some pills?" she finished as she hung her head in shame.

Jeff took a few moments to think over what she had said before speaking. "Annie, I understand that things are going to be more uncertain with you then with a lot of people. But no person's life is certain. We all have the potential to backslide into our old habits. I mean, how many times have I almost abandoned you guys and gone back to being a selfish jerk? I mean a _complete _selfish jerk," he amended as Annie have him a look.

She looked at him for a moment before nodding her head. "I'm sorry. I know you're not the same Jeff I met three years ago. You have, or are, becoming a caring thoughtful person. We should realize that more sometimes."

"Thanks, but I actually wasn't fishing for a complement there. What I'm trying to say is there's no guarantee I couldn't become that guy again. Or that Britta won't again change her major and have no idea what she wants out of life. Or that Troy couldn't someday go back to being the person he was in high school. Or that Shirley won't give up on her business dreams. Or that Abed won't make it in film and will end up working at her dad's Falafel. Or that Pierce…I don't know, won't again completely turn on us. The point is, there's a chance that anyone can fail and lose what they've gained. But we can't spend the rest of our lives fearing that we'll become who we once were. The only thing we can do is push forward and live our improved lives the best we can."

Annie took a deep breath as she blinked a few times before she wiped the remaining tears from her eyes and gave Jeff a watery smile. "Sometimes I wonder how we picked ourselves up before we had Winger speeches."

"I'm sure you'd manage without them. Besides, most times I just say a speech because I want something for myself."

"Not all the time. I was there when you gave that speech during Shirley and Pierce's trail." She smiled for a moment at that memory before growing more serious. "This is just really hard for me. Even though I haven't seen most of them since rehab, we were all really close during that time. Each of their funerals has been really tough. Frank and I were the only ones who went to all of them, and I only got through them because he was there with me. And now with Frank gone, tomorrow is just going to be really hard for me."

Jeff only took a moment to think about what she said before he made a decision. "What time are you leaving tomorrow?"


	2. Chapter 2

Jeff rubbed his foot against the outdoor chair as he squinted his eyes in the mid-morning sun. He wished he brought his sunglasses. But he figured they would be inappropriate at a funeral. That's why he also left his phone in his car. While it would be easier to do this if he could hide behind a game of bejeweled, he knew he had to be there for Annie today, no matter how uncomfortable it made him.

Besides, he understood the significance of going to this funeral with her. Annie never opened up about taking Adderall and being in rehab. Besides from a few facts that were general knowledge (seeing robots, crashing through a window, going to rehab and being abandoned by her parents), she kept a tight lid on that part of her past. But now Jeff was being allowed a front row seat into this time of her life. Even a guy like him understood what a big deal this was.

As the priest droned on Jeff again looked around in astonishment. There were hardly any people in attendance. Besides the two of them and the priest the only ones there were Frank's wife and son, and a fellow teacher from where he worked. When Annie asked about Frank's mother Jessica Romenoff said she wasn't coming because 'she couldn't stand seeing her son lying in a box'.

Even though Jeff didn't know the guy, it made him uncomfortable to see that so few people came to his funeral. As he looked at all the empty seats he couldn't help thinking about his own funeral. A part of him always envisioned hundreds of people there in attendance. All the people he had represented and saved from jail, all of his work colleagues, the study group and others from Greendale, various others he had influenced. But now he couldn't help thinking that the opposite might actually happen. That when he died no one would show up, and all that would be there was several rows of empty seats.

After the priest was done saying his piece and Jessica spoke briefly the casket was lowered into the ground and the funeral was over. Jessica told people they could come to her house for finger food, but Annie told her she and Jeff would be staying for a bit. The woman glared at Annie before she briskly walked off with her son.

"What was that about?" Jeff asked.

"Frank said she always thought something was going on between the two of us. She couldn't believe that he'd want to remain in contact with me just for the sake of friendship."

"Sure, because a guy being friends with a woman over ten years his junior never happens." He smirked as she giggled at his comment, but grew more serious as he saw how apprehensive she became when she looked at Frank's grave. "Are you sure you're up for this?"

"Yea," Annie said as she nodded her head determinedly. "I mean, I know I've already said goodbye to everyone. But…they helped me become the person I am today. And I want someone else to know who they were, and what they did for me."

Jeff nodded his head briefly as he thought back to the ride to the funeral. When Annie told him that after the service she wanted to visit each of her group's graves and tell Jeff what they meant to her. Jeff knew how big of a deal this was. She was going to open up about a time of her life that, while she didn't hide, she rarely discussed about at length. While he wasn't often good with emotional stuff, he could see how important this was for her, and would do whatever he could to help her out.

Annie looked at the freshly laid earth over the grave plot before sniffing loudly. "When I was in rehab Frank said that was his second time there. He had been clean for several years prier, but then his father died and that led to him using crack again, even though he knew what it could do to him with his heart condition. He said his wife told him he had to get clean or else she would take their son and leave him." As she looked on Jeff was surprised to see her let out a chuckle. "When I was in rehab he always called me The Kid, because I was the youngest one in our group. He would say 'I'm telling you, The Kid's a one timer. Once she's out of here she's never coming back. This is just a slight bump in the road before she goes on to do great things'." Annie let out another chuckle, which sounded closer to a sob then the first one. "Of all of them there he believed in me the most. We all wanted to get clean and kick our habit. But he was so confident that I wouldn't use again. I've gained confidence in myself since then. But during those first weeks after rehab…I'm not sure I would have remained clean without him believing in me. Whenever I even thought about using again, I'd think about how hurt he would be if I did it, and I was able to push through it."

Jeff stood next to her, readying himself in case she started crying. But while she sniffed loudly a couple of times, she seemed to hold herself together. They stood in silence by the grave for several more moments before Annie said she was ready and they walked on.

"If everyone from your group buried here?" Jeff asked.

"Everyone except for Caleb," Annie said, her voice becoming shaky.

Jeff steered himself before asking "Where's he buried?"

Annie stopped walking as she turned to Jeff, her eyes filled with great sadness. "He went to San Francisco and jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge. They never found his body." Unlike before, she wasn't able to control her emotions as tears ran down her cheeks. "He was about Britta's age when we were in rehab together, but he said he had been in and out of rehab since he was fifteen. He said if he ended up using after that stint he would kill himself, and he would do it by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. He said he was such a cliché that he might as well kill himself at the most popular suicide spot in the world." She felt herself shake as she leaned into Jeff. "The worst part was we all knew it would eventually happen. He had just given up. He didn't believe in himself and didn't want to go on as an addict anymore. I told him I'd be there for him if he ever needed someone but he would just laugh and say I was naive. That I was a fool if I thought I wouldn't eventually use again and be back here."

Jeff felt a surge of anger towards this guy for saying this stuff to Annie. He was about to tell her to never listen to that when she pulled herself off him. "As strange as it sounds though, it did help that I knew Caleb. He made me realize that to stay clean and healthy I had to really want it. That simply going to rehab wouldn't be enough. I had to believe that I could do it and fight and work to remain clean on my own. If I hadn't met him, I might not have known what can happen if I didn't fight."

"I'm pretty sure you would have fought whether you met that guy or not," Jeff said.

Annie looked up at Jeff, her face expressionless as she searched Jeff's eyes. "Maybe," she said before taking his hand and leading him throughout the cemetery.

They walked a little ways down the path before she brought him to a specific row. They walked past several graves before she stopped in front of one. Jeff looked on at the grave they were standing by.

_Richard Brandon Kasperskis _

_April 8, 1954 to December 3, 2010_

_Rest In Piece Sweetie_

"Who's he?"

"That's Richard," Annie said with a smile. "He was the other pill head of our group. We were the only ones who were specifically there for pills, so we had a significant connection."

"What was he on?" Jeff asked with general curiosity.

"He was into downers, mostly Xanax and Valium. He started taking them when he developed spasms in his back, and he became addicted to them." She giggled as she looked at his grave. "When we were in rehab he used to call me PJ and himself PS. I was pill junior and he was pill senior."

"And how many nicknames did you have there?" Jeff asked. "Because so far you've been called The Kid and now PJ."

"It was just those two." She sighed sadly as she looked at the grave. "He always had a sense of humor about all of it. Most of us treated being in rehab as a necessary stigma we'd have to endure. But he told us to think of it as something to embrace. He would say to me, 'PJ, don't be ashamed to be here. You go to a party after this and you'll be a hit. Just say you hung out with a celebrity and they'll flock all over you.'" She rubbed her eyes to keep the tears from flowing out. "He'd hate it if I cried over him." She took a bottle cap necklace out of her purse and placed it over the grave before composing herself. "Come on."

They walked down a few paths until they got to a section that didn't have gravestones. Instead there were plaques to mark the graves. They walked until Annie stopped Jeff in front of one that looked a bit worn from neglect. Jeff bent down slightly to read the name on the plaque.

_Jennifer Ritter_

_November 12, 1979-October 19, 2011_

As Jeff stood back up he looked at Annie and saw that she was shaking. Though he guessed it wasn't from being cold he took his jacket off and put it around Annie's shoulders. She looked at him gratefully before looking back at the grave. "Of all of us Jennifer had it worse than anyone. We all were addicts, but she was the worst of all of us. She mostly used heroin, but she'd pretty much take anything." Annie shuttered particularly hard as she wrapped Jeff's coat tightly around her. "There was one story she told us when we first met her that I'll never forget. A few months before she had checked herself into rehab she had been living on the streets. She had no money and no one would give her any for heroin, so she was going through withdrawal. After two days without a fix she was ready to do anything to stop it. So she decided to sell the only thing of value she had left; her wedding ring. Unfortunately she couldn't get it off because her fingers were too swollen. She had lost a ton of weight and was basically a skeleton, but for some reason her hands had completely swelled up. She told us she had to make a choice; either get the ring off or continue going through withdrawal. And then she held up her right hand and revealed that it only had four fingers."

"Good god," Jeff said quietly. "I've heard some shocking stuff before, but that's…"

"I know. I never really talked to her much, mostly because she scared me. That story's just one of many terrible things she did because of drugs. But she did end up helping me. Whenever I really wanted some Adderall, I'd think of her and what could happen to me if I used again. Her life scared me into not wanting to use again." She frowned in almost anger as she looked at the grave marker. "I just wish her life could have scared her not to use anymore. When I went to her funeral Frank said she had taken some heroin that had been cut with a household cleanser and it poisoned her."

As she looked at the grave Jeff walked behind her and wrapped his arms around her. She leaned back into him, feeling comforted against his giant frame. After a few moments she felt her body relax and stop shaking. They stood there for a while before she was ready to move on.

They went back to the path and walked until they were out of the plague marker section. They wanted a ways until she stopped in front of a well-tended grave with a white marble gravestone. Jeff gently pulled back a fresh bouquet of flowers that had been placed there to read the gravestone.

_Stacey Dawson Quick_

_February 17, 1972-April 15, 2010_

_Beloved wife, mother, and teacher_

"Stacey loved teaching," Annie said. "Unfortunately she loved alcohol more, especially to cope with her problems. From what I heard she found out her husband had cheated on her while she was in rehab. Afterwards she got very drunk at a bar and got into an accident and died as she was driving home. It's such a waste. She was a really good person. Of everyone there she was the one who helped me out the most."

"What did she do?"

Annie hesitated, realizing she had revealed too much. She had never told this story to anyone before. As ashamed as she was to have gotten addicted to pills and have gone to rehab, this was something she could never admit to anyone. But a part of her wanted to tell someone her secret, and lift the feeling of shame she had carried with her for so long. "She kept me from developing another addiction Jeff."

"Like what? Drinking?" Jeff tentatively guessed. He had seen Annie drink before, and didn't think she had a problem with having some alcohol every once in a while.

Annie shook her head as she held her left arm up to Jeff and turned the inside of her forearm to him. Jeff looked at her arm, but wasn't able to see anything. After a moment Annie took Jeff's fingers and placed his fingertips on her arm. He frowned as he felt a very slightly raised white scar, about an inch in length and the width of a pencil line on a piece of paper. Jeff pulled his hand away, now just barely able to see the scar because he knew what he was looking for. If it had been on him it would have shown up prominently (especially after he went tanning.) But with Annie's fair complexion it was practically invisible. 

Jeff looked at Annie as she steered herself to reveal this part of herself. "I was in a really bad place when I started rehab. Not only from withdrawal, but from the pain of everything I lost to get help. I had lost my family, my chance at going to an Ivy League school, the life plan I had worked my whole life to make happen. I had so much pain in me; I needed to do something to help coup with it. So I took a knife from the cafeteria, and I cut myself. And for the first time since crashing through that window, I had control and focus. Instead of being in pain that was out of my control, I had something I could do that I was in control of."

Jeff looked into Annie's eyes, shocked beyond belief at what he was hearing. He knew things had been bad for her. But to know she had once been in so much pain that it drove her to mutilate herself was almost too much to take in. His heart broke at hearing she once thought this was the only way she could cope.

While Jeff could understand a fair amount of self-abuse, he could never understand someone cutting themself. The idea of purposely scaring one's body was unconceivable to him. He had once freaked out at Britta when she raked her nails over his back one time when they were having sex. He could never imagine purposely doing something to scar his body.

Though as he stood there, he suddenly remembered something his mother had once told him. She said that when he was five and six years old (around the time his dad left), he used to hit himself frequently. She took him to a psychologist who said he was hitting himself because he had a lot of anger inside of him and wasn't able to get it out of him. So he hit himself as a way to focus his pain on something else. So while he couldn't understand someone cutting themselves, he might be able to see going to extremes to deal with emotional pain.

Without able to help himself his eyes ran over her arms, searching for more scars. But besides the one she had shown him there didn't appear to be anymore. As he looked at her questioningly Annie began the conclusion of her tale. "When Stacy saw my arm she figured out what I did. She showed me the many scars on her own arms and legs, and said she understood why I was doing it. But that it was dangerous and self-destructing. She said she became addicted to cutting, and would cut herself deeper and deeper each time. Until one day she hit an artery and almost bled to death. She knew I couldn't just stop now that I had found an outlet for my pain, so she gave me a safer alternative."

"What?" Jeff asked, his voice almost a whisper.

"She told me to wear a rubber band on my wrist, and if I felt like cutting myself to snap it against my skin. That way I could have something painful to focus on, but it wouldn't harm me or leave a mark."

As Jeff heard that he suddenly had a memory of feeling thin rubber bands on her wrists under her cardigans when he used to hold her hand. He had just assumed she had them in case she wanted to tie her hair back. But now he realized they served a far different purpose.

"I don't wear them anymore," Annie said as she felt Jeff's eyes dart down to her wrists. "I stopped needing them about two years ago. I can cope now without having to hurt myself. But if it wasn't for Stacy, I could have been riddled with scars. And I might have cut myself too deep and…"

As she shuttered at that thought Jeff wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into him as he held onto her tightly. He silently thanked that woman for ensuring that Annie remained in the world, and was able to make it brighter.

They didn't say a word as they stood there. They just held each other, both grateful to have the other in their life. After a while Annie gently extracted herself from Jeff. "Are you ok?"

"Yea," he said, his voice oddly thick. "I just don't like to think about you…not being here."

"I know. I don't like to think about it either. That's why I'm grateful for Stacy. She helped me coup with my pain, in a way that wasn't self-destructive." She looked at Stacy's grave, sadness over taking her. "After rehab I never saw Stacy again. Or any of them really except for Frank at their funerals. We were so close during that time, and after it was over most of us never saw each other again." They stood there for a while before she nodded her head. "Come on, let's go."

They visited the graves of the last two people from her rehab group, stopping to pay their respects at each and for Annie to tell Jeff how each of them had helped her. Once that was done they started walking back to the parking lot. As they walked back Jeff thought about what she had said at Stacy's grave. It had to be terrible to grow so close to people only for them to abandon you. It was like…

It was what she must fear with me and the study group, Jeff thought. She was scared that after all their time together she would be abandoned again once they all graduated. That's why she fought so hard to keep everyone together. So they wouldn't lose touch with one another once they graduated.

As they got to his car and climbed in Jeff realized that she wasn't the only person who would be affected if the group lost contact after graduation. Even though he liked to act like he didn't care, the truth was he would be torn up if he never saw them again. In particular if he never saw one specific person again.

"Annie." He waited until she turned to look at him before continuing. "I know how this is going to sound coming from me. But I want you to know that I'm not going to leave you. I don't know exactly what's going to happen when we graduate in May. But no matter what, I'm going to be in your life. Even if I end up in a submarine at the bottom of the ocean I'd still find a way to be there for you. I'm not going to abandon you."

Annie felt tears start to form in her eyes at hearing his words. But instead of being happy she sighed disbelievingly. "Jeff, that's sweet of you to say. But I don't want you blindly making promises just to make me feel better about today."

"Yes, I want to make you feel better Annie. But what I said wasn't just for you. I said it because despite how I act, I truly love you guys and would hate to not see any of you after we graduate. Britta, Shirley, Troy, Abed. And yes, and I swear I'll deny it if you ever repeat this, even Pierce. But as bad as it would be not to see any of them anymore, the thought of losing touch with you is unbearable. You're too important to me to not have in my life. So, while neither of us can guarantee that all of us will always be together, I can promise you that at least one member of this group will always be there for you."

She searched Jeff's face closely as she looked for any signs that he wasn't being truthful. But she could tell he was more sincere then he'd ever been before. Without warning she lunged on him and hugged him tightly, almost sagging against him from relief. His words had lifted a weight inside of her hadn't even realized was there.

"Ok, my legs are starting to fall asleep here. And I haven't eaten since this morning. How bout we go get a late lunch?"

She crawled back into the passenger seat, smiling as he started the car. As he drove out the cemetery she thought of all the happiness she had gained in her life. And the comfort that no matter what the future held, she knew that there was at least one person who would always be there for her.


End file.
